Battling Cynicism by Donna Avant

9 hours ago

3 min read

Many years ago I met an older pastor’s wife who seemed to be amused by my passion and excitement for ministry. After we talked for a while she said, “Don’t worry, one day you will be cynical like me. You’ll get over it.”

Those words saddened me but lit a fire in my heart to never become cynical about serving the Lord. And believe me, I have had many opportunities to grow cynical in these last four decades of ministry.

Cynicism is nothing more than doubting who God is and His abilities. You begin to believe God is no longer capable of changing people’s hearts. You become more focused on the imperfections of people than you do on the greatness and goodness of God.

As I look back on the last 46 years of serving the Lord alongside my husband (34 of those years as a pastor’s wife) I realize there are keys that enabled me to battle a cynical spirit. Since the month of October is Pastor/Minister Appreciation Month, please read the following with a prayerful attitude. Maybe the Lord will use it to enable you to see into the life of a pastor’s wife or staff wife to pray for them, encourage them, and serve them.

My identity was found in being a child of the King, not in being the wife of a pastor.
Jesus was more concerned about me spending time with Him, knowing Him and walking in obedience to Him than my “to-do” list.
God called me to be my husband’s best friend, lover, and helper first and foremost, not his unpaid or even paid staff member.
God uniquely gifted me and it was my responsibility to nurture and grow in those gifts. My gifts were different from other pastor/staff wives. Many spouses have full-time jobs outside the church walls which they consider ministries (nurses, doctors, lawyers, teachers, administrators, ect…).
I attempted to always point out the blessings of being in the ministry to my children instead of the negatives. For instance: their dad being able to rearrange his schedule to go eat lunch with them or attend a mid-day school function; people blessing us with gift cards for a special meal, giving us the use of their condo; sending us notes of encouragement and attending their sporting/theater events to cheer them on. When our three children were young, there was one family that learned the sizes of children and bought them new clothes.
Many times I had to choose to remember that I am a flawed human being and so is everyone in the church. Sometimes I said stupid things and sometimes people said stupid things to me. Apart from Christ, I am nothing!
Deciding to be quick to forgive and slow to anger when hurtful things are said and done. “Man’s anger does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:17.

I could tell you some stories that would shock you and probably make you angry, but again, God has taught me to think on these things: “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

If you are a pastor/staff wife, just know you are deeply loved and I am cheering you on. If you have grown cynical, focus on the greatness and goodness of God!

If you are a person who is served by a pastor or staff, please ask the Lord how you can “do” something this month to encourage and uplift the spiritual leaders in your life. Help them remember God is still in the business of changing lives by being a blessing to them.