I Choose Forgiveness by Donna Avant

The words of Erica Kirk have echoed around our nation as she boldly declared that she was choosing to forgive the man who murdered her husband.

No one has killed anyone I love.  I pray that I never have to understand this level of forgiveness.  Yet, everyday I have to choose forgiveness.

Every healthy and long lasting relationship requires forgiveness.

Show me a great marriage and I’ll show you two people who consistently choose to forgive one another.   

Show me a family who laughs together and wants to spend time together and I will show you a family who has learned to forgive each other.  

Show me a long lasting friendship and I’ll show you two people who continually practice forgiveness.

Show me a healthy church and I will show you a church who has learned how to walk in forgiveness.  

In the past 65 years of life I have had to choose forgiveness most days.

• When my mom wasn’t the mom I thought I needed or wanted

• When my dad had affairs with other women

• When my husband didn’t listen to me or meet a need I had

• When my children hurt my feelings

• When my friends forgot about me

• When church members betrayed me and gossiped about me

  
  

The reason Erica Kirk’s statement of forgiveness has resonated with so many people is that we all have to choose to forgive someone for something.   We either choose to live in bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness or we choose forgiveness which brings joy.

Apart from Christ, I can’t forgive.  I wish I could but I can’t.  It is only by remembering all He has forgiven me for that I can forgive someone else.  When I remember the cross and the excruciating pain He bore for every sin I have committed and will commit, I weep.  

How dare I choose to not forgive others when Jesus forgave me for so much.  

A few years back a young pastor’s wife asked me a very pointed question.  She said, “Donna, I have watched how you have handled the betrayal of others. How can you still be in the ministry and serve others with joy?”  

At the time, she had no idea that every day I was having to choose to wake up and forgive those who had betrayed me.  The joy she saw was not “Donna”, it was Jesus!

Our world desperately needs Jesus!

They don’t necessarily need our sermons, our podcasts, our witty quotes and thoughts, or our theology.  They need to see that Jesus’ death on a cross and resurrection truly changes us and enables us to forgive others and live in joy.

Forgiveness is a daily choice that reveals the love of Christ to those around me. It is dying to my need to be right or get my way.

When teaching our Valiant Marriage course we say to couples:  “Do you want the tombstone of your marriage to say, ‘I was right’?”

Do you want the tombstone of your family, your friendships, your church, and even your country to read, "I was right"?

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:32

If you are struggling with forgiveness, here are two things I did which enabled me to choose forgiveness.

• Memorize Scriptures about forgiveness.  Then pray those Scriptures over yourself. Colossians 3:13

• Pray blessings, even if it is hard, over the person who has wronged you.  I wrote names in my prayer journal and prayed for them as well as their family members. 

"Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”  Matthew 5:44

Watch and see what God will do in your life and how He will enable you to forgive and restore your joy.